


In the   Darkness of the Night,   Let Our     Candle   Always   Burn

by WataruWatanabe



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Levi has a dirty mouth! Might contain fluff. Most definitely contains for mature readers, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-02
Updated: 2015-04-19
Packaged: 2018-03-05 00:28:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 18,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3098219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WataruWatanabe/pseuds/WataruWatanabe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Both Levi Ackerman and Erwin Smith of the survey corp come to realize their long friendship has started shifting to that of something more. However, both are uncertain about how to deal with the way their relationship is changing. Especially, Levi who has a hard time coming to terms with the idea of his homosexuality and loving another individual.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! This is my first fanfiction ever, so please bear with me. I'm also a really big Queen fan so that's where I go the title from : Teo Torriatte by Queen.

6:30 am, Tuesday  
The floor was a plain dirt road, a murky puddle stood before him, and there was a small man whose face was dripping water from the puddle. The man with the raven hair and the wet face was kneeling before the water; he raised his head abruptly to give a glare to the golden haired man towering above him.  
"I'll join the survey corp. " he said in a fiery tone that held a note of great anger underneath it. The blonde man smiled and replied,  
"Good, Levi." Hmm, this will end up being quite enjoyable, the blonde thought.  
Then a golden light perforated the scene, blurring it out and taking over. The raven haired man disappeared; his haughty gaze burned into the mind of the blonde. Slowly the blonde cracked his eyes open to the golden rays that invaded his bedroom from the window. The man slowly sat up, leaning one forearm on his thigh while the other hand rubbed his eyes the ran through his golden hair. Great, Erwin thought, Just what I need to start the day with: the memory of the moment I first fell in love with Levi. This is going to make sitting through a meeting with him today rather hard.  
6:40 am, Tuesday  
Slowly the voice faded away, and the face became blurred as the morning rays entered the room of the raven haired man.  
"Mmhmn," the raven groaned s he awoke. Gradually he opened his eyes to find an unpleasant sight before him.  
After rubbing the sleep away from his eyes, he looked down at his lower half to discover the source of tightness around his hips. And there it was, a tent sticking up in the covers. What the fuck! he thought as he shot up, yanking the covers off his legs. What the hell could I have been dreaming of that gave me an erection?! Levi raised his hand to his face to rub the bridge of his nose and let out a sigh. Goddamn it, it's even fucking wet. Now I have to take care of this damn thing. Great way to start a fucking morning with a meeting at eight. he thought as he made his way to the bathroom connected to his room.  
At about 7:15, Levi made his way down to the great galleon get a cup of coffee for his breakfast. He walked through the halls at a swift pace, head held high, while lesser soldiers he passed on the way greeted him. He gave a curt nod then continued on at a brisk pace; behind him, the soldiers scurried away quickly because of his highly pissed appearance. As he entered the great hall he thought, Seriously, what hell? My body is a fucking piece of shit. I don't get why the hell it felt the need to that. He let out a sigh as he made his way over to the coffee, glancing at Sasha and Connie. For Christ sake! I have a bad dream and now I have to see the stupidity of my recruits. Levi grabbed his coffee while behind him, Sasha nd Connie fought over food.  
As Levi took a sip, he felt a giant, warm hand place itself on his slender shoulder. Then a voice said close enough to his ear that he could feel warm breath,  
"Good morning, Levi." His eyes grew a little wide at the act, but soon he dismissed the thoughts that came into his mind. He turned his head sharply to the right and gave a slightly haughty look to his commander, Erwin Smith.  
"Morning, " Levi replied, turning away to take another sip of his coffee. Erin chuckled at Levi's abruptness in his greeting ; he leaned in closer to Levi as he reached for a cup.of coffee as well and asked,  
"Bad day already at only a quarter past seven in the morning? " he cocked one his thick eyebrows up as he looked at Levi for a response. Levi gave a small snort through his nose as he shook his head slightly.  
"Yes it is; this whole damn day is going to be a pain on the ass." Levi answered as he turned away from Erwin to walk over to the meeting room. Erwin followed after him, asking another question.  
"Really? How so? " Levi rolled his eyes as Erwin fell into step beside him.  
"None of your business, damn iron brow."  
"Now, now Levi. You shouldn't take your anger out on others, but if you must do so, please make sure to refrain from doing it during the meeting. It's imperative to the continuation of the survey corp to not piss of any of the counsel members off, so they don't cut funding again. "  
"I know that asshole. " Levi responded, opening the door to the meeting room. Inside it was completely empty; Levi walked in and chose a seat nearest the door with Erwin following behind him. Great, Erwin thought, Just what I need when I'm already yearning for Levi: sitting next to him in an empty room. Erwin took hus seat to the left of Levi, giving him a side long glance as he sat down.  
As silence filled the room, enveloping the two, Erwin racked.his mind for something to talk to Levi about. His mind went through countless topics, like Petra and the newest recruits, but nothing seemed right. So, he began to look over the papers he had brought with him to fight off the pervasive silence. As he leafed through them, he dropped one on the ground between him and Levi. Damn, today seems slated to be worst than ever, he thought as he leaned to his left to pick up the paper.  
Erwin's head ducked under the table, and he briefly felt the heat that radiated off of Levi's leg as he bent over. This action created great apprehensiveness in Levi as he saw Erwin's head going down near his crotch. Once again Levi had this feeling of lust that he couldn't explain; even worse was the fact that that lust seemed to have the blood rushing to his manhood.  
Fuck! Levi thought. Damn piece of shit, don't you dare pop a boner with Erwin's face only a few inches away! Levi mentally chastised himself, trying to think of filth that would completely crush any desires boiling inside him. He managed to kill his erection but was still left with a feeling of great embarrassment. So, in hopes of trying to bury his embarrassment, he commented on Erwin's uncharacteristic clumsiness.  
"It's unusual for you to drop things; long hours of work getting to you? " Erwin gave a slight chuckle and glanced at Levi.  
"Maybe, but to me it's all worth it. I have a goal I need to meet, so no matter what I have to do, I'm going to achieve it. It's something I have to do, and I have to accomplish it before I retire; I can't die until I reach it." All while Erwin spoke, his face showed a quiet conviction hidden under a gentle, metered expression. Watching him made Levi's heart flutter so slightly he didn't notice, but deep down it was there causing changes inside him.  
"Really? So was I forced into the survey corp to help you reach this goal? " Levi asked cocking one thin eyebrow. Erwin gave Levi a sly grin.  
"Originally, yes. But now, you're her because I can't think of anyone else I would rather try to save humanity with. " This caused Levi to get slightly flustered under the surface in away he couldn't explain.  
"Well, I don't really mind being used if..." Just then the door to the meeting room opened, and people began flooding through the door to take their seats. Erwin glanced at Levi with one eyebrow cocked, questioning if he was going to continue.  
Levi turned his face away; I don't mind being used if it's by you, Levi finished in his head.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is basically used to set up their points of view. So once again you'll see how both Levi and Erwin think and react.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we move on! Please note that // means a long pause (// is a way to denote a caesura [ the pause]) and wud is an old archaic word that means crazy or mad.

DURING THE MEETING  
Half way through the meeting, Levi's head began to wander after listening to the repugnant bureaucrats drivel on for an hour and a half. His mind turned to the events of the morning: his erection and the weird feelings that made their way through his body at Erwin's touch. So,this morning I have some raunchy ass dream that gave me an erection. Then I get all hot and bothered by Erwin's face near my dick. Levi thought. Wait, I also felt weird when Erwin put his hand on my shoulder ... and when I felt his breath near my ear. Why? Then Levi's eyes widened as he remembered the image that flashed through his mind at the time.  
When Erwin talked near my ear ... a picture flashed through my mind. It was Erwin behind me with his arm around my waist; his hand was close to the button of my pants. Then he whispered something in my ear. Something about love ... Oh God. Don't tell me I dreamt about Erwin. I mean, come on, he's your fucking commander, Levi. Your COMMANDER! There's no way you could be attracted to him; he's a guy.  
These thoughts sent waves through his mind as he tried to rationalize it out. The idea drove him insane just thinking about it since he had never pictured himself as homosexual. Sure, it wasn't unheard of; commander Pixis was gay along with the subordinate that was his partner. But Levi being gay- it just seemed so foreign. No way in hell. Levi thought. It must be lack of sleep; it's making me fucking wud. This damn job might be getting too much for me since I'm only a few years away from being forty.  
LATER THAT EVENING  
After dinner, Erwin had retired to his office to put in some more hours at the mountain of paperwork occupying his desk. He sat with his back to the window, working by candlelight. During the course of reading and signing documents, Erwin's mind had turned to other thoughts. Primarily, thoughts of Levi.  
Levi seemed to be off somewhat today. I wonder if it has to do with all the work he's been putting in? But, Levi did seem to be // preoccupied to say the least; especially towards the end of the meeting. He looked like he was deep in thought about something grievous- he was gritting his teeth. However, the weirdest thing was the fact he seemed to have been getting an erection before the meeting.  
That was most definitely unusual for him since he never appears to have a sexual drive whatsoever. Hmm ... Erwin paused in his thinking due to the umcharacteristicness of Levi getting hard. It seemed to me he would rather die than have anything of that sort happen. Erwin gave a breathy chuckle. Of course Levi could be looking to settle down with someone. Even though it's highly unlikely, it can't be discounted as a possibility.  
As Erwin was consumed by his thoughts on Levi's earlier behavior, one very hyper guest walked into his office.  
"Yoo-hoo, Erwin! How are things going? " Hanji asked as she closed the door. She skipped her way over to Erwin's desk and sat on the corner closest to him that wasn't preoccupied with papers. Erwin lend back in his chair and smiled up at her.  
" Things are good as good as they can get considering the current state of affairs with the survey corp. So what do I owe this visit to? " he asked her as he relaxed his shoulders. She shook her head.  
" That wasn't what I was talking about silly. I was asking about you and Levi." She cocked her head to the right as she gave him a knowing smile.  
"What do you mean, Hanji? Things between us are just fine." he told her as he let out a sigh.  
"Really, Erwin? Why are you playing dumb. You know what I mean." She pouted and crossed her arms as she squinted her eyes at him.  
"No, Hanji, I don't know what you mean and I don't feel like trying to guess. " Hanji let out an exaggerated sigh.  
"You like Levi, right? In a romantic way." Erwin bowed his head and let out a low laugh. He then raised his head and looked her straight in the eye.  
"Yes. I'm in love with Levi, and I have been practically since the first time I saw him." At his confession Hanji burst out squeeing. "Hanji, would you kindly keep it down; we don't need people running around in a panic because you decided to make high pitched noises. So, why did you want to know? " She raised her eyebrows in surprise after she finished glaring at him for his comment about her sounds.  
"What do you mean, why? I asked because it's very obvious that you like Levi, and I'm pretty sure he likes you back- he just doesn't realize it." Erwin cocked his head to the left and looked at her questionally.  
"So you believe that these feelings are mutual between us? What proof do you have to support this claim? " Hanji rolled her eyes and gave a sigh.  
"I have come to this conclusion after many years of observation. Throughout the years I have noticed that when Levi enters a room, he immediately looks for you. He tends to gravitate towards you while you guys are in the same vacinity. He also tends to glance over at you multiple times while you are in said vacinity. In addition, I believe he must be becoming aware of his feelings because at breakfast I saw him lose his composure as you were grabbing coffee. " Hanji stated as she finished presenting her analytical findings to her commander. Erwin stared at her awestruck as he processed her data. Finally, he put his elbows on the desk, interconnected his hands and gazed at her fiercely.  
"Do you believe within reasonable constraints that I have a chance with Levi? " Erwin asked her, his eyes imploring her for an answer. She gave him a gentle smile and leaned over to place her hand on his shoulder.  
"Yes, I do believe that you have chance with Levi."  
"Does that answer take into account Levi's personality and disposition? " he asked her, his voice serious.  
"Yes it does; however, it does not mean that it will be easy. Levi is rather stubborn and will, most likely, deny any feelings of the sort since he probably doesn't see himself as being attracted to you. Homosexuality has probably never crossed his mind in regards to himself, but don't despair, Erwin. I believe you can get him to love you and admit it. I am supporting you a hundred percent of the way." Erwin smiled at her.  
"That's a relief, Hanji. Let us continue on in our pursuit to get Levi to openly express himself. " Hanji grinned back at him.  
"Let's! " she shouted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now we have a Hanji on a covert mission :D Thank you for reading the second chapter! I'm still looking forward to comments and feedback to help me improve.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Erwin and Hanji forming a tag team it's only a matter of time before Levi realizes he loves Erwin, but for now that's a little ways off since he needs to figure himself out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forwards march! We're at chapter 3 now, but I think I might need to make this fanfiction longer than 5 chapters. Oh well, let's just see how things play out for right now.

During the next few weeks Levi had begun to notice a change within him- one that left him highly disturbed.  
Throughout the day, it was inevitable that Levi would run into Erwin; there was just to much in their lives that insured they crossed paths. It was during these incursions that Levi realized he was changing. At first he didn't catch on to the increase of physical interaction between him and Erwin; he only started to notice when he began to get the strange feelings he had felt the day he woke up with an erection.  
He noticed his body felt more tense around Erwin, and there was an insustainable lust that constantly lurked under the surface of his cool demeanor when he was near or thought of Erwin. What the hell?! he thought one night as he lay awake in bed. This is getting to be fucking ridiculous! It really is like I have a thing for Erwin. I keep on feeling all fucking hot and bothered around him. I feel like I'm in heat like a damn rabbit, full on unfulfilled sexual tension. I also fucking forty! There's no reason I should be acting like a pubescent boy. Levi flipped onto his left side.  
It wasn't like this before, so what's the difference between now and before.Levi racked his brain to come up with what could have created such a drastic change in his behavior. That's when his mind zoned in on just what exactly made him so horny- physical contact between him and Erwin. His eyes grew wide as he realized the cause.  
This increase in physical interaction is it, he thought. This explains my behavior, but that doesn't explain the sudden increase. Am I more acute to it now? No, that can't be it because I'm not attracted to Erwin, so there must be increase for me to act this way. Then the really question is why has Erwin suddenly gotten more touchy? Maybe he just afraid of losing his strongest soldier, so he's trying to prove I'm here by constantly touching? No. Erwin's not that type of person. Levi let out a frustrated sigh and turned back onto his back.  
Fuck! This shit is annoying. Maybe I should ask Hanji to analyze this shit; it seems right up her alley. No, that shitty four eyes would only intensify the problem. Goddamn it, I'm going to sleep. Screw this shit it's not worth losing sleep over.  
THE NEXT DAY  
Once again Levi awake to a wonderful little tent that protruded from his underwear. Goddamn it. This fucking piece of shit is out of cotrol. I've been waking up hard more times than I care to remember in these past few shitty weeks. he thought as he laid on his back. He closed his eyes and let out a heavy breath through his nose.  
"Might as well get rid of this damn thing here since I have to wash the sheets anyway." he said as he released his hard on from its cloth cage. He then looked for the bottle of lotion he kept in his night stand drawer; he found the bottle and pumped a generous amount on to his palm. He placed his right hand loosely around the shaft and began to pump it slowly. He let out a little gasp as he thumb brushed against his sensitive head. Then he gradually picked up the pace as he felt a burning sensation build up around his hips and stomach.  
Soon he let a moan escape his lips as he felt the pleasuring sensation continue to well up in his stomach. His breath quickened, and he let another low, lustful moan escape his lips. He could feel the orgasm coming and stopped his motions in favor of seeing how far he could edge before he came.  
After a minute or so of pause, he continued to pump his shaft, rebuilding the feeling of tension in his stomach. Once his breath became pants again, he ceased then continued on after the pause. This time he wanted to lose his mind as he went over the edge, so he continued to pump even after his breath became fast and haggard. He felt the ball of tension in his stomach build and his muscle tense while a fire spread through his body. As he soared over the edge, his orgasm coming hard and fast, a single word escaped his lips- Erwin.

As Levi came down from the high of his orgasm, he realized what had just came out of his mouth. What fuck! he thought, his mind going into a panic. Did I seriously just say Erwin at the climax of my orgasm? Erwin? I said his fucking name? Levi let out a shaky breath as he closed his eyes. No damn way. There's no damn way I'm gay. Really? How could I be? That's just fucking wud.  
Levi opened his eyes and brought his left hand to his face to rub the bridge of his nose. No, Levi you have to face this and stop running away from the problem. There's a fucking possiblitiy you're a homosexual. It's not like you were decided either way since you've never been in a relationship. he thought to himself. But how would I know? He rolled his eyes at himself. It's pretty fucking obvious when you start getting an erection from a guy's face near you're crotch. Shit, for once I want someone else opinion.  
Levi sat up and began to clean up. I guess I'll ask Hanji and Erwin since they're the closest things I have to friends. he thought as he made his way to the bathroom.  
MID DAY  
Shortly after training his recruits, Levi had time to go and talk to Hanji. He made his way down the cold, grey stones of the base of the survey corp to the lower levels where Hanji's lab was hidden. As he reached the door that belonged to her lab, he paused and took a deep breath. Then he opened the door and called out,  
"Shitty glasses! I want you're advice about something! " He turned to close the door, and when he turned around he was faced with a bright-eyed Hanji.  
"Really, Levi? " she questioned. "This is so unusual. " She turned around and motioned for him to sit down in a chair in front of a work station. "Sit, sit and tell Hanji all about your problem! " she told him as she sat down on the counter of the station. He pulled the chair and sat down, crossing his right leg over his left while throwing his right arm over the back of the chair. He raised his face and glowered at Hanji.  
"How would I know if I was gay? " he said, being as blunt as possible. Inside Hanji was squealing and making a mental not to report this to Erwin.  
I just knew he was, she thought.  
"Well, " she started, "have you ever thought about a guy in a romantic sort of way, like you wanted to kiss them or something. Is there someone who makes your heart beat rapidly or makes it flutter? " She gave him an questioning eye as she turned her face at an angel and leaned in.  
"I've thought and felt something similar. " he told her, just as bluntly. Oh geez, Erwin, wait till you hear this, she thought.  
"So who's the lucky fellow? " Levi gave her a death glare.  
"No one in particular, " he said. Hanji leaned back, letting out a deep breath through her nose.  
"You know, Levi, it's okay to be gay. I'm not going to turn away nor is anyone who really cares for you. So it's okay for you to express your feelings, unless of course you're not comfortable with. In that case though, I think you should just accept it though because you're not in the wrong; there's no need to change who you are." she told him gently as she placed a hand on his knee. He bowed his head and stood up.  
"Thanks, shitty glasses. " he said as he walked out the door, turning back to give her just the smallest smirk. She smiled and shook her head as the door closed. My, my Erwin, he's going to be a handful. But... you know that's why we both love him.  
AFTER DINNER  
When Levi was finished with his dinner, he approached Erwin and asked him for a word. Seeing as he was also finished, Erwin told Levi to come to his office. Along the way there Erwin kept brushing his hand against Levi's; this sent flutters through his body but he ignored them. You might be gay, you sure as hell don't have a thing for your commander. he thought to himself.  
After they had arrived in Erwin's office, Levi decided to get right to the point.  
"Erwin, " he said,looking him straight in the eye, "I think I'm gay." The comment took Erwin off guard, but he made sure not to show it for fear of upsetting Levi. He nodded his head and smiled.  
"Really? Well, it's great that you trust me enough to tell me. So this is a rather recent discovery I take it? "  
"Yes, and I'm not entirely sure I'm comfortable with it.The idea is foreign to me; I never thought I would be a homosexual, but I have to face or I'm just running away from the problem. " Levi told Erwin, never breaking eye contact. Erwin smile became increasingly gentle and his eyes softened.  
"It might be foreign, but I assure you it doesn't change my opinion of you in the least. You are still the same Levi Ackerman I have know for countless years now, and you are still my dearest friend. " Erwin explained, hoping to help Levi become more comfortable with himself.  
"You and shitty glasses say the exact same things, Erwin. " Levi said with the barest hint of a smile. Erwin chuckled and looked at Levi.  
"That's because we both find you to be someone near and dear to our hearts. " Levi's slender eyebrows raised slightly in surprise.  
"Really? I'll keep that in mind as I come to terms with myself. " he stated as he got up and walked to the door. "Thanks, Erwin." Levi shut the door.  
I guess Hanji was right, but it will most definitely be some time before he admits he loves someone. It's hard for him to want to make people close considering the type of work we do when almost everyone around us dies. Erwin thought.  
"But hopefully I can teach him it's okay." Erwin said out loud to the quiet of his room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I think that was probably a long chapter but we all got to read Levi masturbating! XD (That's always a plus, right?) So what will happen next? How long does Levi struggle with himself? When will Erwin get some action? Only time will tell!  
> As always, I'm looking forward to feedback and comments so I can improve


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now that Levi at least acknowledges his homosexuality, things have gotten a little easier for Hanji and Erwin- but not much. Levi still stubborn about being attracted to Erwin, so Hanji plans a tattic meeting with Erwin to give him some umph in his attempts to win Levi's heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fanfiction is turning out better than I expected! So please keep reading and enjoy the black box that is Hanji's mind!

It has been a week since Levi told me he's most likely gay, Erwin thought. This is promising, and my queue to be more aggressive in my advances. However, I'm not entirely sure what the next move is. Erwin was sitting at his desk, brow furrowed, chin resting against his interconnected hands. I think a strategy meeting with Hanji is in order. he thought as he got up from his desk. I'll go to her and ask. He exited his office, moving through the drafty castle at no particularly fast pace.  
As he walked through the halls, he saw that Levi and his recruits were busy cleaning. Must be the second day, he thought. Levi cleans every two days. The closer he got to the dungeon that Hanji had made her lab, the more aware he became that he had yet to see Levi. That's peculiar, he noted. Levi normally cleans with them.  
Then as he past the last room on the ground floor before the descending flight of stairs, he saw Levi bending over cleaning a table through the open door. Erwin paused for a moment to take in the view of Levi's muscular back and toned ass. One day soon, I shall hopefully get to touch that man. he thought longingly. Erwin turned away and continued walking. Hopefully, though, it will be with the knowledge he loves me back. He descended the stairs; his pace picked up just slightly as he made his way down the stair well but slowed again as he reached the flat floor. He continued walking and turned to the first door on the right that he came to. He opened the door, peaking his head in.  
"Hanji, are you busy? " he asked as he moved his body into the doorway. He heard rushed footsteps and found himself faced with a Hanji only a few inches away from his face.  
"Of course not silly!" She put her arms around Erwin and gave him a surprising death grip hug. "What is that you need, Erwin? " she asked as she led him over to a work station and sat him down, perching herself on the counter next to him. "Does it have to do with Levi? "  
"Yes, Levi is the nature of this meeting. I am unsure of how to go about progressing in my struggle for Levi's affection. That's why I decided I needed a tatical meeting with you." he told her as he rested back in the chair. She nodded her head.  
"I don't blame you; Levi's been more uptight than usual- must be because of his recent discovery. We do need to proceed with caution, so he doesn't get even more pissed off. I have already told you he doesn't really like or accept his sexuality, and he will not state who he has feelings for that made him realize his homosexuality. Therefore, the beat way to proceed is with slightly drastic measures that force Levi to open his eyes and acknowledge his feelings. " she paused as she nodded her head, eyes closed with a knowing look. "I then suggest that we create a situation where you rescue Levi." She looked at him and smiled; her face completely lite up with the brilliancy of her idea. Erwin looked at her, running the scenario in his mind.  
"What do you mean by drastic measures? How drastic would they be? Would there be damage to people or things? " he asked her, his voice stern a serious like during an actual tatics meeting for the survey corp.  
"Yes there we be damage- hopefully only to things- it's inevitable. How drastic? " She paused, her hand rubbing her chin as she thought. "Not too much so. It would only be enough to create a scenario where you save Levi from danger. Ideally, we don't want you hurt, so it would be nothing life threatening. Well, do you agree to try my plan? " she asked, her face serious.  
"Can you guarantee that the only damage will be to the door? " he asked, looking for every possible outcome on the plan.  
"Yes, so long as you listen to the warning of there will be a hiss then ten seconds later it will explode." she told him without batting an eyelash.  
"There will be an explosion? " he asked raising his thick right eyebrows? Hanji nodded her head.  
"There will be an explosion; it will allow you to save Levi from danger and perhaps give him the amount of physical interaction he wants." She winked at him.Erwin shook his slightly and smiled.  
"All right then, Hanji, I'll trust you." he told her as he got up to leave. "When do we commense the operation? "  
"Tomorrow afternoon. You can tell Levi I want to talk to you guys about Eren and the titans. Bring him down here, and I will be listening for you guys. I start the explosion, the hissing is your queue." she said him, giving a salute. He returned the salute and left.  
THE NEXT DAY, AFTERNOON  
"Levi, Hanji wants to speak to us in regards to Eren and the titans." Erwin told Levi as he sat at his desk doing paperwork. Levi stopped working, leaning back in his seat while rubbing the bridge of his nose. He let out a sigh.  
"Does that four-eyed freak want to meet right now? " Levi asked, looking up at Erwin.  
"Yes she said she forgot to tell you yesterday about it." Erwin answered, his face calm on the surface but inside he was almost as worked up as on an expedition outside the walls. Levi let out another sigh and stood up from his desk. She's such a pain in the ass. Levi thought as he made his way to the door. Erwin followed suit, falling into stride beside Levi.  
As they made their way down to Hanji's dungeon lab, they were met with an interesting sight. On the second floor where the recruits bunked together, they heard a low moan come from a room with the door slightly jarred. As Levi was closer to the door, he had a good view of what was going on in that room - which left him slack jawed with embarrassment and wonder.  
The room belonged to the Jager brat and Arlert. As they approached the opening, the moans became progressively louder until the were hushed abruptly.  
"Armin be quiet; what if someone hears you? Then we'll both be screwed." There was a a breathy giggle.  
"Don't you mean you'll also end up stewed."  
"Really, Armin? You chose now to make lame puns? " Another giggle.  
"Sorry, I think I'm kind of too excited Eren. " Levi and Erwin were now basically right in front of the door. Levi looked in, he's eyes bulged at the sight before him. There was a naked Jager with an equally naked Arlert riding him. The sight made Levi come to a stop, causing Erwin to look at him quizzically? Erwin came backed and peeked into the room to see what had left Levi bug-eyed and speechless. He gave a warm smile, moving to the other side of Levi and closing the door as quietly as possible. He then placed his hand on Levi's lower back, gently pushing him forward. Levi began walking again but looked over at Erwin with a glare on his face.  
"How could you smile at that? Do you not find it in fucking decent that they could even be parsed to shut the damn door, so no one else had to subjected to that display? " he questioned Erwin with a look disgust on his face.  
"I can smile because it's a beautiful thing when two people who love each other consummate their relationship. Granted they should have closed the door; most people don't like to see an act like that between to men." Erwin said as he gave a side long glance to Levi. Levi was staring straight ahead, looking deep in thought.  
"I didn't have a problem with it being between two men; I'm gay so I should realize that's what people like me do. It's just it was strange to see an act like that between two men. I'm not used to it I guess. Plus I never want to see the Jager brat naked again. That's what was fucking gross." Levi growled. Erwin gave a slight chuckle at Levi's last words.  
"Well, I really didn't want to see Eren and Arlert get it on either, but it doesn't surprise me they love each other." he told Levi as they started to descend the stairwell.  
"It doesn't surprise me either they way Arlert looks at him. I just wonder how Jager guard dog takes it." They were midway down the staircase.  
"Ackerman? I think she might be okay with it so long as Eren's happy." Erwin said as they reached the lower level.  
"Maybe, but I think she would have killed anyone else." Levi said, approaching Hanji's door.  
"Perhaps," Erwin said as he gave a chuckle. The hissing started. Levi continued to walk  
towards Hanji's door; What the hell is that hissing noise, Levi thought. Erwin's eyes grew wide as the hissing stopped. His heart was beating loud and fast.  
"Levi! " he shouted and grabbed his arm. Levi turned around; Erwin pulled him to his chest just as the door burst of its hinges. He had his arm around Levi's middle, pressing him up against himself for protection. Levi's head was buried in Erwin's broad, muscular chest, but he leaned back to raise his head to look at Erwin. Levi was meet with icy, crystal-blue eyes that were filled with concern. Erwin's thick, golden eyebrows were knitted closer together on his brow. This picture of Erwin left Levi slightly breathless, and the feeling of Erwin's body against his only intensified his breathlessness. While he looked up at Erwin, his hard stomach against his chest, Erwin's thigh pressed against his manhood, Levi began to blush.It was only a small fleckle of rose across his white cheeks, but it greatly enhanced Levi's already alluring attraction.  
As they continued to look at each other, pressed against one another, Levi felt that same carnial lust build up inside him. His eyes took on a glazed look as the lust found an outlet through his liquid silver eyes, and his mouth parted slightly as he looked at Erwin's fleshy lips. Fuck, Levi thought, I want his lips on mine. Shit, I think I want him.  
Erwin noticed the change in Levi, and it excited him. He could feel the his manhood start to rise; he wanted Levi. In this second he was more beautiful than he had ever been before; it made Erwin fall even more in love with Levi than he was before.  
Erwin began to lean down, bringing his lips closer to Levi's as he stared into those silver pools of quick silver. Levi tilted his head father back, giving Erwin better access to his lips. He closed his eyes, waiting for Erwin to take his lips. This is so fucking wrong you ass, Levi thought. You know he's your goddamn commander. Just as Erwin's lips brushed Levi's, Levi pushed out of Erwin's arms.  
"What the hell did you do shitty glasses? " Levi yelled as he looked for Hanji.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a pretty long chapter. Sorry. I hoped you enjoyed the Eremin though. I most certainly did! XD Things are starting to pick up so I hope you keep on reading. Hopefully this is the only chapter that's so long.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Erwin is rejected by Levi, he finds himself at a lost. His spirits are low, but don't worry. Hanji's there to help her tancho.  
>  This chapter contains some spoilers for the manga so beware.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! I'm sorry it took me so long to update! School is annoying and my phone decided to restart right as I was finishing the chapter - all my hard work gone. So please enjoy and I'll try to update more often.

THE NIGHT OF THE EXPLOSION

Once again after dinner, Erwin retreated to his office to do the unending flow of paperwork that insured the continuation of the Survey Corp. However, tonight he couldn't work diligently at the task before. After an two hours of trying to work and getting no where, Erwin finally gave up and retreated into his thoughts. As he steepled his fingers together and rested his chin on them, his mind found its way to the afternoon's events. 

Levi, he thought, his eyes closing as the pictures in his retina became so vividly clear it was like Levi was in front of him once again. In his mind, Erwin saw Levi looking up at him, being sinfully beautiful. Levi's face had a flush of the lightest rose on his cheek, making his already mesmerizing beauty increase ten fold. His eyes were lidded pools of quick silver that were so lustful it was almost lewd. His lips were peachy and parted as slightly ragged breathes left them. Erwin leaned back in his chair, eyes still closed, and let out a rough groan as he felt his want grow. As it grew it found a way to show his arousle through his now erect member.

Shit, he's too fucking hot for his own good. Erwin thought as the confinement of his cock began to feel unbearable. I wish I could have felt his lips, tasted him. He was right there in front of me, sinfully lewd, and in need of release as much as I was. The way he looked at me... was that how he would look if we ever got to skinship? The thought caused Erwin to open his eyes and lean his chin against his fingers again. If... that certainly is the question now. Does Levi actually like me or was it just any old rush of hormones at being help by a mind after realizing his orientation? He's managed to avoid me the rest of today and I've had multiple soldiers ask me if something has happened to him because he seems to be in an even worse mood then normal. That doesn't seem as though he's happy about what happened between us. Perhaps that was a enormous tactical mistake. Maybe I shouldn't have tried to kiss him. That could have caused him to lose all the trust he had for me; now he could possibly dislike me, or even resent me since he could feel I only bought him onto the Corp because I was attracted to him. Erwin let out a sigh. Granted there was an initial attractions to him when I met him, that mostly likely wouldn't convince him that I didn't do it for his looks.

There are several different outcomes to this, the worst being he hates me now, the best is he acknowledges my feelings and might reciprocate. I think the best case is out, so that leaves us with the the worst and the outcomes in between. He could acknowledge my feelings but not feel the same, think I was teasing him when I'm supposed to make a safe environment for my soldiers, or just think nothing happened because he doesn't like the idea of having a relationship. 

Shit, Erwin thought. I can only think that he hates me now and all the work till now has been invalidated. I know I probably need to do damage control but I don't know how. The idea of losing his trust terrifies me to the point I don't even know if I can do anything to stop it. How do I show him that I won't sexually attack him, that I'm not teasing him. How can I show him I've actually grown to care for him and it's not because I just want his body. I want him because I love him as he is; I love his soul, his heart. Shit, Erwin thought again. I could have just loss any connection between me and my reason for living now. Shit! Erwin ran a hand through his hair, moussing his normally neat hair. 

For once I'm at a totally loss. Nothing I've tried to accomplish has actually worked out. I can't prove my father's theories- I just end up sending people to their deaths. I can't get my feelings across to the love of my life- I probably ended up shoving a wedge between us, creating a rift that won't ever be closed. The Survey Corp, the hope for humanity, is on the brink of being shut down, and there's little I can do to stop it after how I've fucked up with using Eren. We've lost so much support, all because of my incompetent actions. Erwin ran another hand through his hair, this time rougher, making his hair a complete mess. Fuck! he thought as he felt his eyes begin to burn. Damn it! I'm supposed to be the hope for humanity, and here I am having a breakdown. Shit! What the hell! Erwin thought as he felt little tracks of wetness make there way down his cheeks. Shit... Erwin placed his hands to his eyes, pushing against them, trying to stop the tears that kept falling. I became commander to prove my father right, but once again I let him down. I'm supposed to led humanity to a new hope, but all I've done is population control. What the fuck am I doing? Shouldn't I be able to give up everything to ensure humanity's survival? But at the thought of losing one soldier, my whole resolve crumbles. I should just resign. I'm not fit to be a commander anymore. A singal raspy sob left his lips. It was so soft, but in the quiet of the room, that raw sound resonated incredibly loud.

There was a loud knock at the door then it burst open with a kind of energy that belonged to one person and one person only: Hanji.

"Erwin! How did it go..." Hanji's sentence lay unfinished in the air as she took in the look of her commander. He was slumped over his desk, shoulders shaking ever so slightly, his eyes buried against the palms of his hands. Her face immediately filled with worry as she quietly closed the door and locked it behind her. She then proceeded over to Erwin, pulling him into one of her warm hugs. She rested her face on the top of his head, stroking his hair and rubbing his back.

"Shh," she hummed. "It's okay sweetie, everything will be fine." She nestled her nose in his hair, breathing in his scent. It was soapy yet masculine. Something Levi would like, she thought. "Erwin, my love, don't cry. " she said, holding on to him even tighter as she felt him shake just a little harder. They stated like that for what seemed like forever in the quiet of that night before Erwin even uttered a word. At first his speech was so low she had to ask him to repeat. He paused gathering his strength.

"Please leave." he said, loud enough for her to hear this time. Her grip on him immediately tightened.

"Absolutely not, Erwin. How could I leave you when you're hurting right now? How the hell could I leave you when you need support? What the hell kind of person do you think I am? I care for you, so I'm staying. You need to get shit of your chest. Who could you trust more than me?" she asked him, her voice fiercely loyal.

"Your right. What's the point of trying to get you to leave when you've already seen me having a breakdown? What's the point if you've already seen me at my worst." He let out another sigh.

"Erwin ..." Hanji's voice sounded so thin. "Please tell me what's wrong. I'll help you in anyway I can. " she told him, hugging him even tighter.

"What's wrong is the fact I'm completely unsuited to be commander. I became on because I needed to prove my father's theories about the titans and the citizens to atone for getting him killed because I told about his theories. I'm no where near close to producing results that would support them; I've only done population control. I'm supposed to save humanity but all I've done is damn who knows how many innocent people. Then I lose any calmness, collectedness, drive after the one thing I leave for pushes me away. I come undone by one trivial thing that somehow seems to be more important than all of the lives of my damn soldiers. " he told her, anger clearly there.

"Erwin, " Hanji began, still stroking his hair. "Don't blame yourself about any of this. None of this shit is your fault. You are one of the best commanders the Corp has ever had. Every single commander before has sent people to their deaths, but we send less because of the advances in technology. And, Erwin, what do you mean the thing you live for pushed you away? Do you mean Levi? " Her voice still contained so much worry bur under the surface there was a hint of curiosity. Erwin signed.

"Yes. I'm talking about Levi. As I held him close after the explosion, he... he just looked so beautiful. He stood pressed close against me, a blush on his cheeks making him sinfully alluring. His eyes just exuded lust. He looked like he wanted release as much as I did. That lewd look just led me to try and kiss him, but he pushed me away to go find you just as our lips touched. He's avoided me the rest of the day, and apparently his mood has been fouler than anyone ever seen before. " Erwin let out another sigh. "I think he doesn't trust me anymore. He probably feels as though I betrayed him after he confided in me his sexuality. He must feel that I've only had ulterior motives for him the whole time. He doesn't get that I love him, that he's the reason I still go on living this hell whole of a life. I love him so much that I'm so scared that if I lose him, I wouldn't be able to function. Look at me, I'm already falling apart. How the hell can I keep go without him by my side? " Erwin's voice was less strong than before, it became quieter, more broken. Hearing Erwin sound like that and talk like that broke Hanji's heart. It also made her feel like an ass for never realizing what Erwin had to deal with.

It's amazing he's lasted this long without a breakdown. I never would have done it. It also makes Levi the biggest asshole in the universe. Hanji thought. He better realize how special Erwin is and that he hold his heart in his hands.

"Don't worry, Erwin. Levi won't pull away. I know it. He's just a stubborn ass that's too assholish to realize that he's special. Just keep doing what you're doing and I promise you Levi will reciprocate. There's no way in hell he wouldn't fall for you. You are one of the strongest people I've ever met and one of the kindest." She told him as she let him out of her hug. He removed his hands from his eyes and looked up at Hanji. He gave her a tired smile that she returned with a shining one of hers as she wiped away the tears around his eyes.

"Give me a proper hug, " she commanded as Erwin stood up. He opened his arms and hugged her.

"Thank you, Hanji. I won't give up." His smile grew a little brighter.

"Good." she said as she went to the door to leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry guys! But to me crying is the most human thing you can do and I wanted to get it across Erwin is very much human. I did it because I love him and things will get better I promise! Thanks for reading! I really would love to hear feedback on my work. Just like always I want to improve, so feel free to comment. I also want to thank SexyCanofSoup because they ended up being my muse to continue to write.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi is visited by a very precious visitor, who makes him realize that he needs to let himself love. With a little bit of encouragement from an unlikely source, Levi decides to tell Erwin how he feels. 
> 
> This could contain spoilers. I'm not exactly sure if you would consider it one, but just in case, it's there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy.

SAME NIGHT, LEVI'S ROOM

After the events of that afternoon, Levi had been in an extremely bad mood. He had wanted nothing to do with anyone; he just wanted to murder anyone who looked at him. Sadly, for Eren Jäger, he was the first one Levi had seen and had been forced to clean all the supplies in the supply room. From then on the soldiers had made it their life mission to stay out of Levi's way. Finally, when dinner came around, Levi was able to retreat into his office. He took refuge in the quiet of it. 

He sat back against his chair, rubbing the bridge of his nose in frustration. Ackerman, you are an ass. Do you realize that you were about to ruin any normal relationship with your commander? Didn't you promise yourself you weren't going to get close to anyone else after Isabel and Farlan? After Petra? Didn't you say this so that no one else would lose their lives because they were too close. Do you want to get close to Erwin and then lose him? Do you want to open yourself up to someone else just so they can leave an empty space in you like Farlan and Petra? Do you want the person whose joy you come to live for because you love wither away like it Isabel? Do you want to lose your heart after you just found it?

Levi felt a slow trickle down his right cheek. He sighed and closed his eyes, letting his mind image a comforting hand against his cheek. He leaned into the invisible touch, and he could hear a sweet joyous voice, young, beautiful, carefree. He could feel the soft, almost child small hand pressed against his cheek, could feel the warmth of that hand. He could see that smile as innocent as a child's, bright like the sun. 'Levi.' the sweet, jovial voice whispered.

"Isabel..." Levi's voice was the last note played on a violin. It was soft like pianoforte with the last syllable drawn out and fading like the final note of a lullaby. 'Levi, don't cry. You'll be alright. I know it in my heart you will find love that will never leave you, no matter what happens. You just have to let it happen, Levi. Trust me, the love you will find won't ever leave you empty.' Isabel gave Levi a final smile, so beautiful and warm. "Isabel, with who? Who could I find that I would love in a way more beautiful than how I did with you?" Isabel shook her. 'Don't compare our love. It can't be compared, but just know that the love you find with the person I show you is just as real. And ... this is the person you want Levi- someone you chose.' Isabel's hand disappeared to be replaced by a larger one. It was warm, calloused, and huge.

Levi felt jolt at the touch. Some how he found the touch just as soothing as Isabel's, and he looked up to see Erwin Smith. He gave a smile so tender, so sweet, it almost broke Levi's heart with the beauty of it.

"Erwin?" Levi questioned. Erwin's smile grew a little wider as he nodded his head. 'Yes, Levi. I'm here for you always, no matter what. Just trust me and I will protect what ever piece you chose to give me. Levi, I ...' Erwin never finished what he had to say to Levi. There was a knock on the door and a small voice asking,

"Can I come in, Levi heichou?" Levi felt his eyes open, realizing that he had fallen asleep. Shit, he thought, I guess I must be screwed. He sighed and rubbed away the wetness on his face.

"Yes." he answered, putting on his normal glare. Armin timidly opened the door and walked in. He closed the door behind him, walking towards Levi with his head down. He reached the desk and handed the files to his superior. "What are these?" Levi asked, opening the first one.

"They're reports on strategies and the like. Erwin gave me them yesterday and told me to study them over before giving them to you." Armin answered timidly. Levi nodded. He was about to let Armin leave when an idea crossed his mind. I could ask this kid about his feelings and his opinion on his orientation.

"Hey, Arlert." Armin flinched and looked back at Levi. "Look the door and have a seat. I want to talk to you." Armin's blue pools became the size of lakes as he nooded frightfully. He did what Levi had told him, sitting down tentatively after locking the door. Levi exhaled and began. "How did you come to realize you were gay." Levi was just as blunt as always. Armin turned a shade of deep red while he sputtered to get words out.

"Wh... Sir, how do you know?!" he finally squeaked. Levi rolled his eyes.

"Learn to close the damn door, Arlert. Now kindly answers my question, kid." Armin did some more sputtering. Levi took a deep breath.

"Well, I realized that I wanted Eren to touch me... and... ki... kiss... me..." Armin's face was turning into fascinating shades of red Levi had never seen before as he tried to answer. "But it wasn't only a physical attraction!" Armin waved his hands in front of him, trying to get the point across. "I realized I really admired Eren, I liked talking to him, and I only wanted him to smile at me... I wanted to always be by his side..." Armin's voice got quieter and he petered out. "Heichou, why do you want to know." Levi's eyes widened; he had not been expecting to be asked questions back. Might as well do the same, he thought.

"I'm pretty sure I'm gay, but I'm trying to figure out whether or not I'm attracted to a certain... Oh, fuck it! I'm trying to figure out if I really have the hots for my fucking commander." Levi stated bluntly. Armin's eyes grew wide like powder blue China saucers.

"Oh..." Armin looked at Levi with wonder. "Well, do you feel safer around him? Have you ever found yourself thinking... um... exciting thoughts about him?" Levi drew his hand up to cover his face as he let out a small groan, but he couldn't help the slight smirk that found its way to his lips.

"Arlert, could you be anymore awkward? Yes, I've thought enough raunchy thoughts to give me morning woods, and I guess I am more comfortable around him than others. I guess the damn answer's obvious when you have dream that tells you he's the one." A bitter- sweet smile formed on Levi lips at the rememberence of the dream. Armin took notice and concern grew on his face.

"Heichou? Do you have a problem with being in love with Erwin tancho?" His voice was tentative. Levi looked him in the eyes, his quick silver meeting the mid noon sky.

"I do. There's a power dynamic and trepidation at the idea of getting attached to someone who is at a high chance of dying." Levi turned his face to stare at the wall. "I don't want to learn what a life at his side would be like only to be ripped away from it. I'm afraid of happiness because I know that somewhere down the line there's a sadness that's a hundred times worse than the happiness." Levi finished a blank expression on his face. Armin leaned forward and placed his hand on Levi's arm. Levi turned to look at him, surprised by the concern and sympathy in his face.

"I get it. You're afraid to let it happen because of the way this hell is. You don't want to be with someone that has the possibility of dying any day. You're afraid to have that precious thing ripped from you by this cruel world. However, I think that what you gain by putting everything on the line might be worth it. That's how I was with Eren, and I'm still scared shitless. I know that he could die any day and leave me behind, but I know that he's always in my heart because I opened up to him. The power dynamic, however, is something I don't know; I don't think Erwin would ever use his authority against you. You would probably need to see for yourself." Armin cocked his head to the right, waiting for Levi's response. Levi nodded, the smallest hint of a smile on his lips.

"Thanks, Arlert. I didn't think you would help me this much. Jäger's a lucky bastard. Tell him if he harms you his life is mine; it's also mine if you tell him any of this mushy crap. Understood?" Levi gave Armin stern glare. The blonde swallowed and nodded; he stood and saluted Levi. Levi cracked a smirk, making Armin smile before he turned to leave the room. When the door clicked shut, Levi stood up and walked to the window. He gazed up at the sky Isabel had always loved with a melancholy smile. Isabel, he thought, this crap called love scares the shit out of me. I don't know if I'll ever be able to accept it, I don't know if I can let myself do it, but I'll try for you so you don't have to worry about my crappy heart so much. I'll do it for you, Farlan, and Petra so you can be a little more at ease where ever you are. I promise.

As he turned to leave he saw a bright glitter out of the corner of his eye. He looked up at the sky again to see three stars shining just a bit brighter than the rest. He gave a warm smile and turned to make his way to his bedroom. 

 

THE NEXT DAY, 6:30 am

Levi woke to a pleasant change. For fucking once I don't have an erection. he thought pleasantly to himself. He got out of bed and made his way to his bathroom to shower. Once he had finished and gotten dressed, he went down to the great hall to get breakfast.

On his way there he received may a startled look. For once hush face lacked his usually intense glower and had just a mild glare. Even watching the stupidity of his recruits didn't sour his look. After yesterday he realized that he was less on edge since seeing Isabel in his dream. He felt encouraged and hopeful.

While he grabbed a cup of coffee he felt the additional heat of another body, then a deep voice spoke.

"Good morning, Levi." He looked up to his left to see his commander also getting coffee. As he looked at Erwin, he noted there was slight puffiness around his eyes along with bags.

"You look like crap today. Did you have that much work? Or did you bawl your eyes outing like you were a brat again?" His comments were meant to be off handed and light but the look Erwin gave him showed him he had crossed some line. Levi cocked his head, wonder what to say next. He sighed and decided to apologize. "Sorry. I didn't mean anything by it." Erwin just nodded his head and turned away, leaving the hall. What the fuck? Levi thought. Why is he in such a bitchy ass mood? Levi shrugged but was still highly disturbed by Erwin's behavior. In fact, it continued to bug him the whole day, and he wasn't the only one who noticed Erwin was not his cheerful self. Many of the soldiers were disturbed by the fact Erwin did little but stay in his office doing paperwork. At about mid day Levi had had enough of Erwin's attitude. On his way to his commander's office, he spotted a Hanji walking away from it.

"Oi, shitty glasses! Do you know what the hell is wrong with Erwin?" Hanji looked at Levi, her face housing concern. Perfect, she thought. You caused this you fix it. She shook her head.

"No, Levi, I have no idea what's wrong. Did you talk to him to day?"

"Yeah, I told him he looked like crap and asked him if it was work or if he sobbed. It was just a joke but it looked like he took it up the ass." Hanji's eyes widened in surprise.

"Really? Maybe it has to do with what happened yesterday? Speaking of which what did happen yesterday? Your face was flushed, and you looked flustered." Levi felt a slight burning in his cheeks. Hanji noticed and moved in closer to Levi to continue interrogating him. "Look you're getting flustered again, Levi. What was it?" Levi closed his eyes trying to keep calm.

"It was nothing, you ass hat."

"Come on, Levi!" Hanji whined. "What if it has to do with Erwin being upset?" Levi's eyes widened. He thought about yesterday's events. Was it because I didn't kiss him? Does he think I led him on? But he tried to kiss me... Levi's eyes got even bigger. Holy. Shit. How did you not realize that?! You really are an ass, Ackerman. Maybe he thinks that it was because you pushed him away that you don't like him at all. Really, you ass wipe, he probably thinks you hate him. You're supposed to learn to let yourself love him, not rip out his heart. Levi let out a groan and started to jogging to Erwin's office. Hanji watched his back get smaller with a grin on her face. She turned and walked away, quite happy with herself. This is better than I thought, she told herself as she began to hum.

Levi reached Erwin's office door, stopping right in front to take a calming breath. He placed his hand on the door knob and turned it, pushing the door open. He found Erwin in his chair, his back to the door. Levi walked into the room, closing and locking the door behind him.

"Oi," he said, "What's your problem?" Erwin stayed facing the window, but he answered.

"What problem, Levi?" Levi felt a twinge of anger and he walked across the room to face Erwin; he was suprised at the sight before him. Erwin's eyes were red rimmed with tear stains on his face, little drops of wetness still clinging to his eyelashes. This shocked and angered Levi even more. Just looking at his commander's wrecked state made his heart break. God damn, Levi thought, I guess I am attracted to this ass.

"What the fuck do you mean, what problem?! There's obviously some big huge one if you're having a fucking breakdown, asshole. So what the hell is it, Erwin?!" Levi leaned in close to plant his hands on the arm rests of Erwin's chair. He gave a glare as he stared into the blue pools that had ripples destroying the calm surface. Erwin turned his face away as he began to speak.

"Levi, it's nothi..."

"Don't pull that bullshit, Erwin. I trust you enough to tell you am gay. Do you not trust me enough to let me try to help you? I thought I was the one person you really wanted to save humanity with? If I am, the what the fuck is with not telling me shit when you're fucking upset?!" Erwin turned his head sharply to face Levi. His face was almost livid.

"Fine, Levi. You want to know, you can damn well know! I'm a fucking failure of a human being who can't do a damn thing right! I basically killed my own father, I send thousands of people to their deaths because I'm incompetent. I can't make up my mistake to my father, I can't protect the lives of my soldiers! I can't find any evidence that will help my father's theories; I'm basically doing population control." As Erwin spoke, more tears fell down his face, making new tracks on his cheeks. It made Levi feel like utter crap for never realizing the kind of pressure Erwin had to put up with.

"In addition, I made one of the biggest blunders in my whole damnable life! I ruined the relationship between me and you! There's no way in hell that you aren't upset by the fact I was basically harassing you. I was going to force myself on you all because of the fact I lov-" Levi's lips were against Erwin's, making sure the sentence wasn't finished. Look at what you did, Ackerman. No matter how he denies it, you know that yesterday's almost kiss is what broke him. He fucking loves your sorry ass and you fucking steppes on his heart. Levi pulled away, looking at the bewilderment on Erwin's face.

"Levi?! What the hell-" Levi covered Erwin's lips with his own again. This time he pushed harder trying to communicate to Erwin to open his lips. Instead Erwin pushed against Levi's shoulders, breaking them apart. Levi gave Erwin a glare.

"Seriously, Levi, what the hell?" Erwin's eyes were confused, searching for some sort of hint in Levi's face. Levi hardened his glare.

"Don't give me that. I give you what the fuck you want, and you question it?" Erwin's look became even more confused. "Damn it, Erwin! I want to try a fucking relationship with you because damn beautiful ass won't get the hell out of my brain. I want to try even though I hate this fucking power dynamic. I want to try even though the idea of loving someone scares me shitless." Levi told him, giving an angry huff through his nose. Erwin looked at Levi, his expression softening. He pulled Levi down onto his lap, into a hug. He held the raven's head to his shoulder as a gentle sob left his mouth.

"Levi. Levi, that makes me so happy. It really does." Erwin nuzzled his nose against Levi's hair. Levi puleed back as Erwin's grip loosened. Erwin slide his hands to Levi's neck, rubbing circles right below his jaw bone. The started into each other's eyes, gradually drifting closer together. The closed their eyes and their lips met in a sweet, gentle kiss. It was tender, slow, only communicating the feelings of affection that both held. Tentatively, Levi opened his mouth slightly. Erwin's tongue slowly filled the hole, running slowly against Levi's gums. After what seemed like eternity, they broke apart. Levi laid a gentle kiss against Erwin's eye, collect the tears on his lashes. Levi pulled away and fell against Erwin's shoulder, his arms around his neck. Erwin rested his arms around Levi's waist, placing his cheek against Levi's. They closed their eyes and stayed like that for along time, both knowing that in the quiet of the dusk that the road ahead was rocky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm sorry if you didn't like the way I portrayed the characters, but we have a couple now! I will continue this and there are some sad times ahead, but I hope you enjoy it!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not much has changed between Levi and Erwin after they start their relationship. However, evil things are brewing in the back round, leaving Levi with a sense of dread.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! It's been awhile. I'm so sorry about that. I had a lot of school work, plus my emotional state isn't very stable right now because of problems. So until I can readjust my moods, it might take longer than a week to update. But enough about me, please enjoy the chapter! Maybe spoilers if you haven't watched the anime and aren't past volume 8 or so in the manga.

A FEW WEEKS LATER

After the emotional outburst from Erwin, nothing much had really changed between the two as they started down the road of a relationship. They did not make out at every opportunity; they did not sleep together. The amount of touching between the two did increase, however. Throughout the day as they met, Erwin would lay a casual touch upon Levi- be it his hand, arm, shoulder. Each gesture was full of love, soft and caring; each left Levi feeling a slight tingle and unexplainable joy.

Another small change was the fact Levi spent the evenings in Erwin's office. Usually, both would be working on their own seperate paperwork; however, on this particular evening Levi was free of paperwork. He sat on Erwin's desk, right beside him as he finished looking over the last of the paperwork for the newest budget for the survey corp. His brow was furrowed in concentration as he read, and Levi couldn't help but stare at the mass of beauty that was his commander. 'He looks so good with his brow furrowed like that,' Levi thought. 'It's a shame though that no women would ever get to be with it.' Levi paused to wonder. 'Shouldn't something as damn breath taking as that be passed on to the future generations. I mean, just look at Springer and Kirstein, they need all the help they can get.' While Levi became lost in the thoughts of Erwin's eyebrows, Erwin finished reading and looked at Levi. He felt a smile play across his lips as he saw Levi's thin eyebrows come together in thought. Levi turned and looked at Erwin having realized the feeling of being watched. He blushed as he saw Erwin smiling up at him.

"What?" Levi asked in an aggressive tone as the rose settled on his cheeks. Erwin gave a small chuckle and reached for Levi's hand. He gave it a tug and Levi found himself practically in Erwin's lap. 

"Sit," Erwin said as he he patted his muscled thigh. Levi felt the rose grow and his glare free harsher.

"You should have asked that before you pulled me from my seat, iron brow." Levi mumbled as he placed his legs on either side of Erwin's as he saddled him. He let himself down gently on Erwin's thighs as his full weight came to rest on Erwin's lap. Erwin gave Levi a playful smile that made the corners of his eyes crinkle. Levi felt his breath hitch slightly at the sight and the feeling of Erwin's hands around his hips, resting on his ass.

"But I got you to sit anyway." The smile became larger. "So, Levi, how have the newest recruits been doing?" Levi gave Erwin a glare that would have been fatal if looks could actually kill.

"You pull me into your stupid ass lap to talk about the recruits?" Levi asked incredulously. A deep chuckle emerged from Erwin's throat.

"What better time to ask?" Erwin leaned up to Levi's face. "Unless, of course, you would rather do something different in this position." His voice had dropped an octave, sounding deep and gruff; it was highly alluring to Levi. Levi could feel the blood rushing up high and down low; one sensation bring color to his cheeks while the other made a strain in his pants. 'Fuck,' Levi thought. 'He is too damn dangerous.' Levi felt flustered, but he thought of a way to get back at Erwin.

Levi put his hands on either side of Erwin's face and planted a hot kiss to his lips. It was ravenous, lustful, pure unsatiated want, raw emotion. It left Erwin off kilter, while filling him with want at the unexpected response of Levi to his jest. He let out a low moan, and that's when Levi knew the time was right to add the finishing touch. Levi ground his hips hard on Erwin,only once, knowing by the gasp he had put Erwin to the edge. Levi pulled away, happy with himself, and smirked at Erwin. Erwin's pupils were blow wide with lust, his hand tight on Levi's hips. As he tried to lean in again for another kiss, Levi pulled his head away.

"Hell no, asshole. That was for your unwholesome suggestion; this is punishment. Now, what did you want to know about the recruits?" Erwin let out a sigh while leaning back into his chair. 

The sun was just barely above the horizon, filling the lower half of the room with soft orange gold. A ray fell on Levi and illuminated Levi's face, lending an orange blush to his face. His liquid silver eyes caught the light, reflecting a gleam. Looking up at Levi, Erwin could only gaze at the august nature the sun gave him. 'Shit.' Erwin thought. 'He is too beautiful; I don't know how I ended up this lucky.' 

"Oi, what did you want to know?" Levi's voice broke the spell that had enraptured Erwin.

"Sorry," Erwin said as he returned to reality. "Is their training okay? Do they work well in teams?" Levi gave a snort, and crossed his arms.

"They all have potential, even the Jäger brat, but their team work is disgusting. They have no unity unless it's with people their close with. Jäger and Kirstein are constantly getting in the way of each other. Really, you gave me one of the worst jobs possible; I have to babysit brats who are too self absorbed." Erwin's brow crinkled.

"Surely it can't be that bad." Levi gave Erwin an unamused, dead expression.

"You have never seen them in action before have you? It is more terrifying than the ugly ass titans. One session, Jäger just barely managed not to graze Kirstein with his grappling hook. The next, they some how got tangled together. Then, they proceeded to try and bash each other into trees." Levi could feel a pain building in his head at the memory of those idiots. He rubbed the bridge of his nose. "In trying to trip each other, they almost concussed Springer, caused Hoover to fall, and knocked Arlert out of trajectory, almost leading to him having broken bones. They truly are little monsters." Erwin nodded as he listened to Levi's rant.

"That does sound horrible. Do you have anything positive to say about any of them?" Levi gazed down at Erwin, pondering.

"Surprisingly, I do. Ackerman has amazing ability, even though she's Jäger's guard dog, Lenz is pleasant to be around, and Arlert is a lot more helpful than first thought. Really, I normally don't praise shits, but he deserves something better than this hell whole." Erwin raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"I never knew you had a soft spot for Arlert. Where did this come from?" Erwin's thick right eyebrow was cocked, confusion and curiosity plain on his face. 'Shit, he doesn't know that Arlert helped me push myself to try a relationship.' Levi realized. 'Fuck, do I tell him? Well, I guess I should. I don't have to mention Isabel until I'm ready to let him see.' Levi let out a small sigh and rolled his eyes.

"It's because of him that we're together." Erwin tilted his head to the side, surprise evident in his face.

"Really, do tell. How did he make this possible?" Erwin moved his hands so that they rested in the small of Levi's back.

"He convinced me to try a relationship, even though the idea makes me nervous." Levi felt his voice become slightly unsteady at the end of his sentence. 'Shit, you aren't suppossed to voice those feelings. What if he leaves because you're afraid?' Much to Levi's relief, Erwin just gave him a gentle smile, so soft. Erwin raised a hand, stroking Levi's cheek.

"I'm happy that he gave you the courage to try. I was almost tired of holding myself back from the person I've wanted for years now." He pulled Levi down and left a sweet kiss upon Levi's lips.

"Years?" Levi questioned as they broke apart. Erwin gave him another gentle smile, this one slightly embarrassed.

"Yes, years." The slightest pink coloration came into Erwin's cheeks. Levi's curiosity peaked Erwin starting to blush. He leaned closer to Erwin's face as he asked his next question.

"How many?" Levi placed his hands on Erwin's shoulders, curiosity plain upon his face. Tilted his head up to look at the ceiling as he thought of the answer.

"I suppose since a year after you joined the survey corp." Erwin answered as he brought his head back down to look at Levi.

"Really?" Levi asked, surprise evident in his voice. Erwin gave a nod of conformation.

"Yes, I remember I was completely entranced by you. You were so completely different from every other person I had met. To me you had this unbridled passion that lurked just below the surface, waiting. And you had an intriguing beauty about you. It wasn't conventional, wasn't commonplace. It's exotic and intoxicating. Plus you do have a deep sense to protect." Erwin gazed into Levi's silver eyes. Levi gazed back, completely overloaded with feelings. He was surprised, he was touched; he felt himself falling for this incredibly smart, handsome man whose beauty was just as unconventional as Levi's. Slowly, they leaned together, their lips meeting softly. 

Erwin held his hands firmly at Levi's waist while Levi grabbed his face. Erwin slipped his tongue out to slide it across Levi's bottom lip. Levi gave a small moan and obliged. Erwin's tongue slipped into Levi's mouth, running across his tongue. Erwin ran his hands up and down Levi's back, pulling him closer. Levi moved his hands to run them through his commander's golden hair.

They broke apart once to breath, staring back into each other's eyes. Both of them had eyes blown wide with lust; each was breathing slightly faster than normal. They leaned back together, but before their lips touched, just centimeters away, Erwin whispered,

"I love you." It was soft and quiet, almost but not quite drowned out by their breathing. Erwin closed the difference between them, but Levi felt an irrevocable panic stir within him. They continued the kiss; however, Levi knew that things were changing. He could feel it in his gut, the same old fear that had been, there before he had been left behind by his friends.

"Guys! Are you ready to talk about the corp?!" Hanji had bursted into the room, disturbing the already wrecked mood. Erwin and Levi shot apart a light blush on both their cheeks at being caught kissing. Hanji laughed. "Normally, people lock the door if their gonna get hot an heavy." She gave another laugh. "Besides, don't feel awkward about me catching you; I wholly approve of this." She walked up to Levi and gave him a pat on the back.

"Don't touch me shitty glasses." Levi told her as he got off of Erwin. His old glare was back in place as he looked at her. "What do you want to talk about?" 

"Well, I think we need to look more deeply into the back rounds of the recruits after the Leonhardt fiasco. She had to have been getting information from somewhere about the movements we are making. I'm positive that she had an inside informer from the survey corp." Hanji's voice was serious; her face had lost its usual buoyancy. Erwin nodded in agreement.

"I've also come to that conclusion. There was no possible way that she should have know that Eren was in the center of the formation without having contact with someone else." Levi looked at Hanji then too Erwin.

"I think we should have Arlert help us on this. Granted he may not agree, but his is astoundingly smart. He thinks almost as far ahead as Erwin, and he has a bond between the recruits. I think he can be trusted since he was the one who told us about his suspicions and devised the plan to try and capture Leonhardt." Levi looked at his comrades for their reactions. Both were looking down, brows furrowed in thought. Hanji was the first to speak up.

"I think you may be right in trying to use Arlert. His is wholly comitted to saving humanity and keeping Eren safe. I heard that he was the one who convinced Pixis to keep Eren alive and reseal the Trost district. Apparently, his salute was pretty amazing." Erwin spoke next.

"I believe that he could be useful; however, I don't want to put him in jeopardy without his consent. I want him to know fully what he's getting into and make an informed decision on what he will do."

"I agree," Hanji and Levi spoke at the same time.

"We also need to tell Mike about this. He needs to know, so he can help us execute this." Hanji said, her voice dry.

"Agreed, but what about Jäger and Ackerman?" Levi questioned. "Jäger would have a fit for putting his boyfriend in danger without his knowledge and Ackerman might be opposed to putting her friend in danger."

"I think that Eren and Ackerman should be involved to some extent. This helps to protect Arlert, plus it might help Eren stay in check with his emotions to know some of what is going on." Erwin explained, eyes serious, brow furrowed.

"Agreed." Hanji and Levi said in unison.

"When do we start planning?" Hanji asked.

"Tomorrow we'll pull both Mike and Arlert in for a talk." Erwin stated as he stood up. "For now though, let's get some coffee and start and outline."

They exited Erwin's office, leaving Levi with dread that was much worse than it had been when Erwin had said he loved him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hoped you guys like. From here on out I'm going to try and build up to the whole reason why I wrote and named this fanfic as I did. So be ready for some raw emotions, heart to hearts, r18+ material, and feels.
> 
> As always, I look forward to you're comments and feed back! Also, many thanks to the people who have left kudos. Hearing from you guys make my heart happy!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi has a breakdown, and feels himself drowning. Erwin notices and saves a part of Levi he thought was long gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys, sorry the chapter's so short, but I feel bad that I'm behind schedule. Enjoy some angst and fluff(?)

LATER THAT NIGHT

As the darkness spread across the sky, tinting it black and enveloping the world in silence, Levi lay awake, afraid of what he would see in the darkness behind his eyes. Ever since he had heard Erwin say he loves him, he felt, in the pit of his stomach, fright so deep it was as if it was a parasite that burrowed into him. He knew, with the fright he felt, that something was to happen, something bad and something to Erwin. Every bone in his body, all his instincts screamed at him it was going to happen. He knew, he knew, but he didn't know how to prevent it from happening, from becoming true.

"Shit." he breathed as he sat up in bed. "Fuck." He put his head in his hands as his elbows rested on his thighs. "Isabel, I'm so fucking scared. I can feel it; I can tell - Erwin's in danger, just like you, and Farlan, and Petra. I don't know how to stop it though. This fear won't go the fuck away!" He felt the pit of his stomach just fall out of him. "Damn it! What the hell am I supposed to do? How the hell do I stop it? How do I keep what somehow became so precious safe? Isabel, what do I do? I want to pull away so bad; I want to keep myself from breaking if he's going to be gone, but it's too late. I love him. I fucking LOVE him, Isabel. How do I protect that? Him? His love? Our feelings? How in the hell do I protect that?!" Levi let out a shaky breath. He could feel the tightness in his throat, making it hard to swallow; he could feel the stinging in his eyes as wetness found its way to his cheeks. "Shit. Shit! SHIT! What the hell do I do?! How do I keep this together when I'm afraid to believe what we have is real. How do I protect it when I believe my heart should be dead?!" A sob left his thin lips, and Levi knew he couldn't fight the doubts in his heart any longer. He couldn't push them to the back of his mind; he couldn't pretend that they weren't their. He couldn't keep them from blurring the colors of his world anymore.

He let the doubts take over, let every raw emotion pass through his mind in hopes of stopping the damage. He let himself cry, let himself feel every emotion that he had hidden under his cool, indifferent exterior. In the darkness of that night, he sat for an hour, dead to the world. He was enveloped in his struggle, and finally, he let everything he had to feel be felt. In the end, after there was no more tears to cry, he knew he would be okay for a little while longer. He could let himself love and be blind to the fear in his mind.

He rubbed his face, then proceeded to the bathroom to splash water on his face. After he had done it, he looked up in the mirror and saw someone it was hard to believe was him. All the physical features were his, but the expression was not. It was an expression of a broken and jaded man. It looked as though he was in a million pieces, waiting to be put back together like a puzzle. 'Ackerman, you're a wreck. How are you supposed to be humanity's strongest when you cow at the idea of love. That's a joke. You can face your death, but you can't face your feelings?' he thought. He let out a short, small bark of a laugh. He took one last look in the mirror before turning away. 'I'll just do some more work. I don't feel like sleeping.'

He went to his closet to put on his normal attire, dressing by the soft white moonlight that streamed in through his window. Before he left the room, he looked through the open blinds and up at the sky. Once again he saw three stars in a cluster that shone more brightly than another around them. He felt a small smile pull at his lips as the center star twinkled brighter for a mere second.

"You're right, Isabel, I'm supposed to make you stop worrying. I guess I just have to continue to try." Levi turned away from the window and proceeded to the door. Just before he closed his room, he whispered into the darkness, knowing his message would be heard. "I love you, Isabel, Farlan, Petra." He closed his door with a click and walked down the corridor at a brisk pace. Moonlight streamed in through the windows, lighting his path.

Levi made his way through the darkness and the quiet, but stopped as he came to a soft yellow light glowing from an ajar door. Normally, Levi would have been wary but he knew the room - it was Erwin's office. 'That idiot doesn't get nearly enough sleep; he's going to give himself an ulcer one day from worry.' Levi thought as he approached the door. He peeked in the opening and saw Erwin, head in his arms, sleeping. Levi rolled his eyes. 'He's a dumbass. He'll get sick sleeping there.' He entered the room and walled towards Erwin. As he neared, he felt a strange stirring in his chest.

Erwin's face was serene, almost full of child like innocence. It was startling for Levi to see his commander look so young. Levi got closer until he was a only a foot away from Erwin, peering at his face. 'He has pretty long eyelashes... and he looks good with his hair ruffled like that.' The thought left Levi blushing. 'Dumbass, stop thinking things like that. You're here to get his ass in a proper bed, no stare at him like a creep.' Levi stepped back a pace and looked down at his commander. 'How is it that he can look amazing every second of the day? He actually looks good crying; he's an angle in his sleep.' Levi let out a silent sigh. 'Damn it, Ackerman, just get his ass to bed and do some work after.' Levi squared his shoulders and gently rests a hand on Erwin's shoulder. Erwin let's out a small groan. 'Damn, his voice sounded sexy.' Levi shook his head. 'Stop it. Get his ass to bed, that's your objective. It's not like you would do anything with him anyway; you're not ready for that kind of thing. You can barely stand loving him. You can't even tell him you love him.' Levi shook Erwin's shoulder slightly.

"Oi, get up. You'll catch a cold here." Levi's voice was it usual monotone, devoid of feeling. Erwin's lids fluttered, and he let out another small groan. He turned his head to bury it in his arms. Levi felt a twitch of irrigation. "Don't ignore me, asshole. Get your ass up and in your proper bed." Erwin gave a slightly louder moan.

"Can't you wake me up nicer?" he mumbled in his arms.

"No. If you want nice got get a fucking woman." Erwin sighed.

"Couldn't you just give me a kiss as I wake up then, if you insist on being rude about how you wake me up?" Erwin sat up and rolled his shoulders, glancing back at Levi. His face had the same deep pan glare as always.

"Maybe I'll kiss you good night if you get your ass in your bed." Levi dead panned with his arms crossed at his chest. Erwin sighed and stood up. He looked down at Levi and smiled.

"I'll hold you to that." He walked passed Levi as he rolled his eyes. Levi followed after him, closing the door of the office behind him.

They fell in stride together as they walked down the corridor to Erwin's room. A silence formed between them, neither awkward or comforting. In the quiet, Erwin grabbed Levi's in his own, smiling at the blush that barely bloomed on Levi's cheeks. As they walked up a flight of steps to the next level, Erwin broke the silence.

"What are you doing up so late, Levi?" He glanced down at his shorter lover. Levi turned his face away and shrugged his shoulders.

"Too much shit to think about, so I couldn't sleep." he said simply. Erwin felt concern poke at his heart. They entered next level, Erwin's room only three doors away.

"Really? Anything you'd care to talked about?" Within seconds they had reached the door to Erwin's room. Erwin opened the door and led Levi in, only breaking their hands when he sat on the bed. Levi stood in front of him, staring down with a deadpan gaze.

"It's nothing worth bothering you with. I'm fine." Even though he said those words, even though he tried to deadpan, Erwin noticed the barest glint of fear in Levi's silver eyes. It pierced his heart. He had never thought Levi would fell anything like that.

"Are you sure? I'm always ready to listen to you." Erwin stared up at Levi searching his face more closely than ever before. He was surprised to see, that in Levi's face, there was fear, worry. It was immediately evident, but they were there, hidden in the line of his mouth, the outline of his eyes.

"I said I'm fine, ass." Levi placed his lips against Erwin's. "Stop worrying about me and get your large ass to bed." Levi turned to leave but was forced back, as Erwin pulled down on his arm. He landed on the bed in between Erwin's legs, his muscler arms snaking around Levi's smaleer body.

"Stay with me." Erwin murmured in Levi's ear. His warm breath hitting his neck area sent a shiver through Levi. 

"You're almost forty, you should be able to sleep by yourself." Levi tried to remove Erwin's thick arms.

"You couldn't sleep because whatever you were thinking about was frightening to you, right?" Levi stilled in Erwin's arms. 'How the fuck did he know?' "It's okay, Levi. I'm here for you. I'll stay by you no matter what." Erwin nestled his nose in the crook of Levi's neck. Levi felt himself let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding. He let himself lean against Erwin, basking in his warmth. He tilted his head back to rest it on Erwin's shoulder, feeling Erwin's right hand grab his left. As a sense of relief rushed through Levi, he felt a tear slide down his cheek. Then another and another one until he was crying freely.

"Fuck, Erwin, since when could you see through me?" Erwin smiled against the warm skin of Levi's neck.

"It's a special gift of mine." Erwin adjusted both of them till they were lying down on his bed. Levi twisted around to bury his face in Erwin's chest. 

"You're an ass." Levi felt his heart grow. It was beginning to beat again, and he wasn't so afraid to let it. He knew that what he had for Erwin was real now. There was no way for him not to when Erwin saw through to his very soul. He saw that Levi had needed reassurance. He saw that Levi wasn't as strong as he looked. He noticed and it gave Levi courage. He felt that he could let this feeling grow, unafraid. He knew Isabel was right when she said this love wouldn't leave him. It screamed out to him just as much as the dread had. He knew he could continue; he knew he could love Erwin without losing a piece of himself.

"Levi?" Erwin asked as silence had enveloped them.

"I think I really like you, Erwin." Erwin's eyes grew wide at the words. He knew they meant so much to both of them, but more so to Levi. He could feel in his bones this was a big leap for both of them. He knew he would get to see every part of Levi someday, knew he would be his crutch as he was his. Knowing this from those simple made Erwin smile. He kissed the top of Levi's hair, taking in the smell of soap.

"I really like you too."

The quiet of the night enveloped the two, the candle of their love starting to burn. In this night, they knew that the were starting a lesson they would never lose. What it was, never could say yet, but deep in their hearts they knew it was there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I would love to hear your thoughts!
> 
> Thanks to everyone who reads my story, comments, and gives kudos!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for such a long hiatus, but this story kind of made me depressed since lots of drama was going on while I wrote it so it reminded me of it. But I hate it when things are left in limbo, so I want to finish it for you guys.

LATER THAT WEEK

Erwin, Hanji, Levi, Mike, and Armin had all met and decided what to do about the infiltration of the titans into the walls. They had come to the conclusion that they should watch the people who were closest to Annie: Reiner and Bertholdt.

Erwin was sitting in his office, looking over plans for the next expedition that had been planned while thinking about his recruits. 'Hoover and Braun were extraordinary close to Leonhardt given the fact she had a highly solitary personality. This puts great suspicion on them for conspiring with her to abduct Eren. If they were then what's their goal? How do they know each other?' Erwin's brow knitted in concentration when there was a knock at the door.

"Come in." he called out gruffly. A timid Armin entered the room.

"Commander Erwin, sir, I believe Reiner told Annie where to find Eren. We had been trying to figure out where he was during the expedition and came to him being in the middle. Shortly after, Annie came and grabbed Reiner, but he escaped and she was left looking at her hand. I believe Reiner wrote where to find Eren since she took of in that direction immediately after." Armin said in a small but steady voice.

"Thank you, Arlert. This changes the accusation from hunches to practically the truth." Erwin said with a nod against his steepled fingers.

"What are we going to now, sir?" Erwin shook his head.

"I don't know yet, but I can assure you we will catch them. You may leave if that's all you have to say." Erwin answered as he reclined back in his chair to think. Armin gave a timid nod and turned to leave when Erwin remembered something Levi had said earlier.

"Arlert." Armin turned around. "Thank you for helping Levi out with his predicament the other day. I greatly appreciate it." Erwin gave him a warm smile. Armin smiled back.

"Your welcome, sir. It's good to know that love can still happen in this hell."  
With that Armin left, and Erwin was back to retreating into his thoughts.

LATER THAT NIGHT

Erwin had finally reached a conclusion about what to do with his recruits, but he was not entirely sure how well it would go. He was sitting in his office thinking about it when his door was opened and in walked the biggest distraction of his life.

"Oi, are you done thinking about how to deal with the traitors?" Levi asked as he perched himself on Erwin's desk. Erwin nodded, his eyes draw to Levi's thighs.

"Yes. We should try to do a preemptive attack that keeps them from transforming if they are titan shifters. It's highly risky, but if it works the pay off is huge." Erwin answered in a serious voice as he tried to keep his eyes trained on Levi's eyes.

"What's the worst case?" Levi asked, the old feeling of dread building up in his stomach.

"The whole Survey corp could be destroyed, and humanity lost their long battle against the titans." Erwin answered solemnly. Levi felt his stomach drop, but he didn't let it show on any of his features. 'I won't let that happen. I will keep Erwin and the rest of humanity alive.' Levi thought as the dread filled his every pore.

Levi moved to sit in Erwin's lap, straddling him and drawing him into a hug.

"I will protect you and humanity till my last breath." Levi whispered against Erwin's neck, feeling strong arms wrap around his waist.

"I will try my hardest to make sure we all survive, and we save humanity." Erwin whispered into Levi's hair.

A solemn and tense air fell between them as they sat holding each other. They stayed like that in the quiet for a moment that seemed out of time. When they pulled away, Levi felt a need to be closer to the man before him. He felt a need to communicate how much he cared for the man even though he was still afraid of his happiness being shattered. They looked into each other's eyes, grey and blue, a magnetic pulse between them that brought them together.

Their lips touched in a sweet, slow kiss that conveyed so many unspoken things between them. They pulled away and looked back into each other's eyes. Levi felt his heart thudding wildly in his chest, wanting to break free of its cage.

"Meet me in my room tonight, Erwin. " Levi whispered, watching the slight glance of surprise in Erwin's eyes.

"Yes." Erwin breathed out, cupping Levi's cheeks to meet in another slow kiss.

LATER THAT NIGHT

When the normal night call had been announced throughout the members of the Survey Corp, Erwin waited thirty minutes, just to make sure the no recruits would feel the need to talk to him in the cover of darkness. Much to his relief, none of his soldiers needed to talk to the commander about anything or nothing at all (something Springer and Blausse could be accused of).

'I wonder if Levi wants what I think he could have been asking for.' he thought to himself. 'Does he want me to spend the night again; can we fall asleep in each other's arms?' After having to hold himself back from Levi for so long, all Erwin wanted was to spend as much time with him as possible. He wanted to saturate himself in the feeling of Levi's love, that, no matter how well hidden, he knew was there. He felt alive for the first time since he had been a boy.

He made his way to Levi's room,his boots creating a slight tapping sound on the cold stone floors of the headquarters. The cool night air drifted around him, bringing in scents of the outdoors. It was a calm and quiet night that had Erwin relaxing even though he might do the most important thing of his life tonight.

He reached Levi's room, and he knocked, heart a flutter in his chest. After a beat of silence, he heard footsteps and then the door was opened to expose his lover. Erwin's heart picked up a beat as he looked down into the smoldering iron eyes of Levi. They looked so beautiful, so predatory.

"Erwin," Levi whispered, grabbing his hand and pulling him into the room. 

Levi pulled Erwin over to his bed, pushing him down into a sitting position. He made his perch on Erwin's lap, straddling the strong thick thighs of his commander. Erwin felt his pants become uncomfortable as he looked at and felt his lover's body against his. He felt the cool hands of Levi cup his cheeks, and then he was lost in the sensation of Levi. Levi kissed him hungrily, asking for entrance and submission. Erwin granted it to him, too enthralled with the sensations to deny Levi.

Their kiss was hot and wet, breathtaking and needy. It left them both panting and considerably harder than before. Levi leaned back in and kissed Erwin's strong jaw, enticing a moan from the blonde. Erwin threw his head back, giving Levi access to his throat and under side of his jaw, revelling in the feeling of Levi suckling his skin. After Levi had made a particularly beautiful red mark on Erwin's Adam's apple, he gave more attention to Erwin's mouth, nipping the bottom lip and circling the slit before being granted entrance. Levi's tongue danced along with Erwin's, drawing out groans from his lover that were swallowed in the space between them. Erwin felt Levi push himself close to him, wrapping his arms around his neck and creating friction between their pants. Erwin gasped at the sudden friction, breaking the kiss and tightening his grip on Levi's hips.

"Take it off." Levi whispered hotly in his ear as he ground their arousals together slowly. Erwin groaned again. 'God, thank you for this.' Erwin thought as he began to unbutton Levi's shirt.

Levi did the same to him, exposing Erwin's broad and fit chest to the cool air. He placed open mouth kisses against the hot skin,moaning at the taste of the blonde's skin. Soon both were shirtless, chest pressed together again as they kissed each other hungrily. Both pulled away breathless as Levi ground down harder and faster, resting his forehead on Erwin's warm shoulder.

"Take me." Levi whispered as he clutched Erwin's shoulders to steady himself as he rocked his hips against Erwin's.

"God, yes." Erwin groaned with his head thrown back in bliss.

Levi pushed Erwin down, reaching behind him to take off Erwin's boots. Once that was accomplished, he worked on taking of the straps Erwin had kept on his legs, growling in frustration at the hassle of taking the damn things off. Finally, he had taken off the offending pieces of leather and was able to get to the main attraction. Levi's small pale hand worked deftly at the button and zipper of Erwin's pants, getting them undone easily. Erwin raised his hips, and Levi slid them down, more aroused than he had ever been in his life. Levi was vaguely aware that once he did this there was no going back, no denying his sexuality, but he didn't care. All he wanted in that moment was Erwin; he wanted to feel him inside, filling him up even more than he already had.

Once his pants were off, Erwin started on Levi's, surprised to find how eagerly Levi bucked into his hands at the friction of the zipper.

"Eager?" Erwin asked breathily, his voice lower than normal.

"More so than when I originally wanted to kill you." Levi answered huskily as he helped Erwin take of his pants.

Both now only wore their underwear, but that soon changed as they both ripped the clothing off. They looked at each, Levi looking down, Erwin looking up as they slowly came together in another hungry kiss. As they kissed, their cocks rubbed together, causing both to moan loudly in pleasure.

"Fuck, where's the lube, Levi?" Erwin groaned as Levi moved his hips against his.

Levi reached to the head of the bed and took it out, handing it to Erwin as he continued to create friction between them.

"Levi," Erwin moaned as he put a generous amount of lube on his fingers.

"Erwin," Levi answered, trailing hot kisses up Erwin's jaw, gasping when he felt a finger at his entrance. Erwin pushed his finger in, and Levi pushed himself closer on top of Erwin's lying form.

"Does it feel good?" Erwin asked as he started to move his longer, thick finger slowly in and out of Levi. Levi nodded, eyes closed and mouth open in bliss.

Erwin continued to add fingers until he felt Levi was properly stretched. Slowly he pushed Levi up, panting slightly with arousal.

"Are you going to ride me, or do I get to fuck you into the mattress?" Erwin asked, barely able to keep the want out if his voice.

"I'm going to ride you. But, I want to share blood with you." Levi said as he grabbed the lube and started to pump Erwin's manhood. Erwin groaned and bucked up into Levi's hand.

"How are we going to share blood?" Erwin questioned, his mind muggy with lust.

"Like this." Levi answered as he grabbed an knife from under his mattress, bringing it to his palm. The was a quick movement, and a small line of blood appeared at the cut. "Do you trust me?"

"Yes." Was all Erwin said as he offered his hand up to Levi. 

Levi took it in his as he lowered himself down onto Erwin's member, taking it in all the way to the hilt. Levi sat there a moment, adjusting before he raised the blade to Erwin's left hand, making a quick cut against the calloused palm. He placed a kiss against the blood before he held Erwin's hand and pushed himself on off of Erwin. He slammed back down and felt pleasure course through him.

They set a steady rhythm as pleasure built white hot in their stomachs. Erwin bucked into Levi hitting his spot with pinpoint accuracy. It wasn't long before Levi was tipped over the edge with a particularly hard thrust, squeezing Erwin's hand as his orgasm started. He felt himself lost in white hot bliss, his eyes closed and mouth wide open in pleasure. Erwin looked up at Levi and his flushed face, so beautiful and alluring at the same time. Watching him cum, Erwin followed, barely registering what Levi shouted as he climaxed.

"I love you!" Levi cried as his finally loads were deposited on Erwin's chiselled stomach, lost in the sensation of Erwin's seed filling him.

When Levi came down, he slumped onto Erwin, still holding his hand as he got off the blond's cock. Erwin wrapped an arm around Levi's waist, breathing slowing down. 'Did he really say he loves me?' Erwin pondered as he looked down at Levi. His face was still slightly flushed, and they were still holding hands; their blood mingled together. 'This was probably the most intimate thing he has ever done. He wanted to bind us together always.' Erwin brought Levi's hand to his lips and kissed it, loving the fact Levi wanted to be with him so much.

"Levi," Erwin started, "do you really-" but he was cut off before he could continue.

"Let's take a shower. This is gross." Levi said as he got up, finally unlinking their hands. 

Erwin got up and followed suit, looking at the now scabbing cut on his hand. He hoped that there would always be a scar to show how they had come together.

When they had finished, they laid together in Levi's bed. Levi was snuggled into Erwin's chest while Erwin buried his nose in Levi's hair. Just as Erwin began to drift off, wondering if Levi's words had been an imagination the heard the soft whisper that only belonged to his lover.

"I love you..." 

"I love you too." Erwin answered as he kissed Levi's hair, everything right in the world.

But their moment out of time was ended when Hanji burst into the room.

"The suspects have taken Eren!" Hanji screeched.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end. It was fun writing, so sit back and enjoy.

THE AFTERNOON

Levi paced around his room aggravatedly, pissed that Erwin had forced him to stay because his ankle wasn't good enough for him to fight the titans. 'Goddamn it!' he thought angrily as he kicked the table. 'This is all Ackerman's fault. If she had followed my orders, I wouldn't be here uselessly. I could be helping Erwin. Dammit!" he thought as he kicked the table again.

He could feel the dread building up in him. He couldn't shake the feeling that something bad was going to happen, something to Erwin. The same old feeling that had screamed in his bones had returned, and he had no idea what to do. He couldn't stop it, and he couldn't sit still. He felt the dread eating him alive; he had to move- he had to. This led him to disobey Erwin's orders and take his horse out to the gate to the outside, but nothing would prepare him for what he saw in the twilight.

The corp was returning from the mission, but he didn't see Erwin's horse. He rode out into the flow, looking for Erwin. He fought Hanji and immediately jumped on her.

"Where the hell is Erwin?! Why the hell isn't he here riding with you guys?! What the fuck happened?!" Levi asked, his voice deadly quiet. 

Hanji's cringed, and Levi noticed her eyes were wet. He knew that whatever happened was horrible if she was crying about.

"The injured cart." Was all Levi heard before he raced towards it, his heart beating rapidly in his chest, his ears, blocking out all the other sounds around him. 

He reached it and felt his heart drop. He looked inside and saw Erwin just lying there, white and without an arm. 'Fuck.' he thought as he tied the reigns of his horse to the cart and swung in. He walked over to Erwin, his whole body shaking as he took in  
the beaten form of his lover. With the healthy color gone from his skin, and his arm gone, all Levi could see was brokeness. He felt his eyes sting, and he crouched next to Erwin, grabbing the hand that was bandaged from the night before.

"I love you..." Levi whispered. "I love you. I love you. I love you. Don't leave me. Don't go. I'm sorry I've been so shitty to you but don't go. You are my world. You're a part of me. I love you." Levi whispered desperately as he clung to Erwin's hand. "Don't go."

Levi dropped his head to Erwin's chest, that was raising shallowly. He felt the tears slowly leak from his eyes, but he didn't brush them away. He didn't do anything until he heard a raspy voice call his name.

"Levi?" Erwin breathed out, and Levi shot his head up.

Erwin's eyes were open, and he was breathing slightly better. Levi moved forward and placed a kiss to his parched lips before running a hand through the golden strands.

"Erwin. I was worried. I... I thought you were leaving me." Levi whispered as he looked into his lover's eyes. Despite what had happened, they were still strong and full of a will to live.

"I wouldn't ... I love you... but I can never leave you, Levi..." Erwin said with difficulty. "I'm always here." Erwin moved their clapsed hands to Levis chest. "I'm always with you. I'll be with you always even if we die."

Levi felt the tears fall faster from his cheeks, but he knew what Erwin was saying was true. He would always be there with him, and he would always love him.

"I love you." Levi said hoarsely, as he cupped Erwin cheek. Erwin gave a tired smile, his eyes closing.

"I love you too."

In the quiet of the approaching night, they knew the candle of their love would always burn, keeping them going for the rest of their lives. They had learned the lesson of love that would never fade from their hearts no matter how many years had past, even when they both had grown old. They kept those feelings with them as they got old and retired from the Survey Corp, leaving it in the hands of Arlert while living quietly in marital bliss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for reading! I appreciate all the hits, kudos, and comments you guys have left me. This is the first multi chapter fanfic I've finished, and it makes me kinda of sad because I hate endings, but in the words of Hazel Grace, 'Something can be said about a story that ends.' -Fault in Our Stars by John Greene.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed reading the first chapter. I looking forward to reading comments and feedback so I can improve.


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